Re: the horse from chi-wan beach

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

On Nov 27, 2009, at 0:06, Tommy Yeh 葉宏儀 <yeh.tom@gmail.com> wrote:

> a chi wanese man finds his way with the help of 3 coastal burrows.
>
> after years of a lot of confusion, that was also a always a
> confluencing of its own, this present exploration is more returning
> home, to my roots.
>
> bc before I was made to think my culture was not mine, but a
> privilage to be gained access to from the white power structure that
> trashed my culture when it was something shared by its actual
> people, but fetishized for their exclusive colonialist delusions.

but how could that be made the case? To the degree that I suffered
from their braiwashing and existential abuse, by the same measure, I
couldn't find and relate to my own peeps.

When I did trust the beauty and perfection of the home of my skinand
people, it was there to hold me.
>
> - a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

the horse from chi-wan beach

a chi wanese man finds his way with the help of 3 coastal burrows.

after years of a lot of confusion, that was also a always a
confluencing of its own, this present exploration is more returning
home, to my roots.

bc before I was

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

Write to javy

About how lust and romance whittle when u t present and grateful. Not
just longing for the right thing at the wrong time and place!

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

Be a playful playa and only play games that r fun. If it ain't at the
moment check out dude!

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

Scfi daoist cyberpunk

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

Charles says ...

"games are for children, Tommy."

Funny coming from him! But yeah it is, because tho he plays video
games, and I don't, I play with peoples minds because I'm scared to
lose and make them take the check because I'm an insecure little fuck!

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

Sushi

Nations as patients and food as formulas addressing patterns

- a cunning rabbit has 3 burrows. 狡兔三窟。jiao tu san ku.

一長音信從你的組先

dearest 宏儀,

there is literally nothing you need to see here.

we want so much for you to tread your path with the greatest (宏)
intention and presence (儀).

we know it is hard for you, but the balance of 太極, 陰 and 陽, is
within you, and you have the choice of whether to fight it, or truly
feel its pull.

all these distractions do not serve your journey following 道.

we support and protect you on your graceful and happy path.

love,
你的組先

我的名子

葉宏儀: leaf, spacious, presence (appearance, rites or ceremony)

my surname: 葉, ye4, composed of the 艸, cao3, grass radical,
abbreviated on the top.
the character 世, shi4, life, world, generation is below.
finally 木, mu4, the character of wood, signifying flexible growth.

my generational name: 儀, yi2, shared by my cousins.
人, ren2 the radical for human.
義, yi4 the radical justice, righteousness, meaning.

and my cuz's r playin a video game that loves to mash centuries past
with future tech wielded by Kung Fu panda gong Fu xiong mao animal
furry members of ocean's eleven as protagonists. Leather clad upright
pigs casting origami dragon head projectiles.

- a rabbit has 3 burrows. Tu zi you San jia

connectors, mavens, persuaders

i'm reading malcolm gladwell's "the tipping point," my second gladwell
book.

i feel a bit sheepish in being so enamored with him. he's definitely
a public intellectual of the new world order, however liberally slanted.

but i digress. i really love his discussion of the type of people
that facilitate social epidemics.

at different times, i think we all have the capacity to embody these
different types.

lately, i've been struggling with understanding where my social energy
has gone.

perhaps some of it has been expended with too much hyper activity of
partying in the past couple of years, but i wonder how much of that is
comes out of a constraining narrative?

like today, i saw that bartender from luka's that once gave me her
number on my receipt.

i could have gone over to speak with her, but there were the usual
distractions with studying.

i think there's kind of a framing error with me seeing expenditure of
social energy as depleting my 氣 or 精, but i'm starting to think
that it's more of a cyclical exchange. there *might* be things that
make it seem like possibly less than a cycle that it could be. my
people pleasing tendencies, trying to be open and inquisitive in
unbalanced amounts, the perception that i need to impress attractive
people, etc.

assumptions packed within assumptions that discourage social behavior
that could actually be quite restorative. then further assumptions
that actually have allowed me to be social in ways that have been
socially exhausting.

it kinda goes back to making an effort to be more open, but also
sharing. constraint, after all, is the root of all pathogenesis. in
the social flow, my reluctance to be real and open sometimes is
creating stagnation, "outside" and within.

blackbirds, owls, floods and a wily cockroach

so here are the elements and symbols of my dream:

i remember living or coming dangerously close to living with my ex-
and there was this large (maybe 3 inches) cockroach that had appeared
before, but was now light brown and dessicated on the outside. it
scurried away as we opened the door to leave the house.

there was some kind of flood that preceded the living in the house.

later on, i was walking through a deserted part of what seemed like
the east village of nyc at night. i was carrying some kind of stuffed
raptor, which may explain why i was being buzzed by a blackbird. not
sure whether it was a raven or a crow, but it seemed more raven like.

as i was rounding the corner home, there was a large owl, not a horned
owl, but one with a heart-shaped face. all the light was sodium
street lamp light ...

i came home and brian and simon were watching tv in a cramped
kitchen. brian offered to order dominoes pizza (dominoes! in new
york???) but i declined.

there was also a scene, out of order, where i was looking at two rooms
of a railroad style apartment. the bathroom as kinda decrepit and
unacceptable, but there was a backroom that could be used as a study
or a darkroom. i think a.w. was part of that dream.

10,000 hours here i come!

insight of the week: i remember watching tv, the x-files, nba
playoffs, can't remember what else, in the small play/laundry room
downstairs. there was always the visceral awareness of impending
interruption, arbitrary, capricious and blunt. telling me to go to
bed, shut it down, for no good reason.

i think my (more than) occasional web-browsing blitzes are partly
celebrations of the freedom i have as an adult. but every freedom has
a dark-side. in equal measure, i am simply recreating the dependency
and constraint of those childhood years. i don't need to keep
replaying a scenario i've already overcome.

i set my homepage to this blog. in my quest to reach 10,000 hours
ASAP, i'm going to severely limit my web-browsing time. it's really
all about that compulsion anyways.

progress
in two weeks, i will have flossed everyday for one month. "sow a
habit reap a character ... sow a character, reap a destiny." i am
adding pushups and meditation to the "daily minimums"

counting class hours, at 15 hours a week, 44 weeks a year, that's just
660 hours a year, for the next two years. 1,320. assuming i'll
settle for 5,000 by graduation, that's still 3,600 outstanding! about
40 hours a week of studying over the next two years.

totally doable.

things i want to accomplish this weekend
*print/recover my study sheets for points
*UB, KD, PC, SJ
*clean/organize my desk area and get a standing file caddy
*go to yoga on sunday!

take amma's message to heart: learn my language! 學中文!

where's there to run?

lights out, shoot up the station.

watch everybody come undone.

still, i'll make another run.

[they] made it easy, [they] made it fun.

basking in the storm.

and i now know what its about.

that i didn't have to worry a lot ...

wiped out.

that's what i want.

and i know what its about.

notes to self

one must remember to call upon one's family resources. i'm so often
despairing about how i don't "fit in" as an abc, or an asian-american,
but i've never really "lived my questions" as dianne connelly (of
"being the needle" advice fame). i should ask my cousins, who aren't
so different from me ... i've just pretended they were, to maintain a
distance. wherefore?

it also occurs to me that i need to be more fruitful in my approach
toward studying? if i had established study sheets and wall
resources, it could be something that i practice everyday? in a way i
already do, but how i can do so socially seems to only be enhanced by
what i can learn conventionally.

i've also realized how many obfuscating thoughts there are going on in
my head ... how to separate the moral or prescriptive perspectives,
especially the controlling ones?

it's time for a new ride.